wannabe yogi journal; 14/08/2024

It has been a week without smoking. In this week, I have learnt a lot. At least, it is a lot after a smoke. For the first time in months, I am high enough to feel enlightened. It does sound boastful, but it is more the truth about how I feel. I feel enlightened, right at this moment in time, on a sunny Wednesday aftenoon. I am tired of pretending. I am extra ordinarily lucky. I am blessed. In my life, I have had numerous glimpses about what being enlightened is. I have numerous glimpses about what being delusional is as well. Most of the time, I am Ian and Ian is nearly 64. It would be normal for Ian; to have had his ups and downs! I am what I am, and it only today, that I am happy about this. No-body is perfect and this may sound crazy. But this is exactly why this “creation” is about. Nothing less than perfection! Because perfection is boring. A enlightened person can no more explain what enlightenment is, any more that a genie can magically appear and make everything o.k. If only it was that easy, and of course it is…As easy as walking on a blade of grass, meaning very common, indeed it is our destiny as conscious beings. Suffice to say, death is an illusion. If the entire world acted like the average Indian. I dare say the word, but Hindu. The world we are living in, would be a completely different place. Sometimes it frustrates the heck out of me. If mankind in all of its wisdom and glory, was going to choose only one belief system to follow. Which one would they logically choose? Hinduism has all the answers to all of the questions until there are no questions anymore. The Upanishads are a phenomenal attempt at explaining the impossible. The ultimate surrender to the absolute. And now that enlightened feeling has faded away again. Such is Ian’s life. I am happy about this. In its essense, this is the definition of what being happy is. Being happy in your own skin. It helps if you have no expectations whatsoever. Apart from being conscious in the moment. Sometimes it is like living in two worlds. The real world and the enlightened world. I seldom stay in this enlightened world for long. I am still a wannabe yogi, however the glimpse was more powerful this time. I suspect it is wishful thinking to imagine this mortal body is my last. I am still caught up, on this dreaded wheel of samsara. Based on my belief system. I will be reborn on this planet called Gaia. Gaia in my dreams, I mean Planet Earth or Planet Terris. I imagine, a short time after I have passed, maybe instanteously. Whatever, one thing can be assumed, based on my arrogance. I will beborn as a human baby. I will have absolutely zero memories of my previous life as Thomas Ian McDowell. I had a conversation in the spa with Tim last night. It was one of those “Elon Musk” type of conversations about the unknown. I was talking about my hot button subject. The subject that I could talk about for hours on end. I said to Tim in a moment of deadly earnest ness. “For me, taking global warming or climate change seriously is vitally important. It is kind of a selfish reason. Based on my belief systems, I am likely to be coming back to absolute chaos” “However there are other reasons that are less personal. What about our families descendants. I hate to use swear words, however swear words aside. We kind of owe it to them, in the “pass in on” tradition. From generation to generation, leave the world in a better place” “The main reason is more existential. (at least in this physical dimension) What if, Mankind is the first advanced species – ever? This incredible fluke known as homo sapian, evolved from apes? What if, this incredible fluke knows as the “goldilocks paradox” never occurs again. To spoil this amazing and incredible opportunity through unneccessary ignorance, following false gurus, or following cults. This would be a shame. Much more than this, it would be a sacrilage. It would be the worst crime, imaginable to mankind. All over in the blink of an eye, just when it started to get really interesting. You know, AGI, space travel and all that; as a benovelent “God” We owe it to ourselves, to sort our shit out by sorting out our priorities. It does not take an advanced alien species to visit and scold us. We are an advanced species. It is about time we started acting like one”